I've been facing the fiercest storm of my life. My infant grandson is awaiting a heart transplant. It's been a journey that is full of questions, pain, tears, and intense fear. As a Christian, I know that fear is not supposed to be a part of my life. I'd be less than honest if I didn't admit that I fight off that emotion daily...hourly.
It's been a time of intense prayer that almost never ceases. God has been faithful. He calms me when I need it most, sends the perfect people to encourage me, and I've been blessed with peace even while the storm continues to rage. I've searched my heart for every scripture I've ever hidden there and they are taking on a deeper meaning. (Now I really understand that verse!)
Today I considered how tightly I've been clinging to my heavenly father and admit that this has been an almost bittersweet time. My faith is taking on a level of real like I've never experienced. He's the vine, I'm the branch, and I'm hanging onto to Him with all my might.
I wonder what will happen when this storm passes. Will I spend some time praising him for restoring my grandson to full health and then carry on with my life? Will I fade back into my so-so prayer life and get lazy about spending time in the word? I pondered that for a while and I talked to the Father about this. I believe He is enjoying our current deeper connection because He created me to commune with Him. If I'm only going to cling tightly during times of fear, why would He stop the storm? (I'm not saying that He won't. This is merely a rhetorical question,)
As I prayed, I realized that there are two times when we tend to cling a little tighter; when we are afraid and when we are deeply in love. When we love someone we want to touch, hug, and kiss. We like to be very close to the people we love. With a sad heart, I realized that I have not been loving Jesus nearly enough, and with tears in my eyes, I repented.
I don't ever want to stop clinging to Him. For now, I hold on because it's dark and I'm afraid, but I vow to continue holding Him after the clouds part and the sun is shining again. I love you Jesus.